So I’ve been bullet point writing this blog for around 2/3 months and it’s not an easy blog to write but sometimes you have to show your real side, not your happy side.
If you know me you know ill try my best to keep things extra happy and always try to laugh, try anyway. Sometimes there is a fine line, a fine line between being happy and hiding your sadness, always trying to make other people happy while maintaining your own happiness isn’t always the easiest task of the week but as somebody that really does not enjoy expressing what is wrong with me inside. I enjoy talking to those who need a shoulder but finding that line sometimes you crack, sometimes you need to spill your problems or go off the rails and were all a custom to going off the rails and having one too many drinks or eating one too many chocolates while binge-watching American rom coms but i mean going off the rails mentally.
Hearing that little bastards voice in your head but not knowing what its really saying is hard and everyone knows what i mean, just a little voice saying yeah do that, break that, push that glass on the floor, when on the outside you seem really happy and you are happy but that little voice is always there, questioning everything, when you know everything will be okay but that little fucker doesn’t let you believe it.
And me as much as anybody has that little voice and i find it more annoying because his voice is the same as mine, at least if he had a Brummie accent it would be easier to hate it, anyway, sometimes that creeping doubt in your mind can get too much and drive you insane and you really have to drown it out. i hate it, i hate being so so happy but that little shit is just constantly saying the opposite of how you’re feeling and don’t get me wrong I’m such a happy person, I’ve got a wonderful family, a beautiful, annoying girlfriend and really good friends and I’m so happy but sometimes you do have to listen to him/her sometimes what they’re saying you do have to believe and it’s finding that fine line. but you know i think I’m doing okay, I haven’t killed anybody yet so, I’m doing alright really.
honestly, i just read that back and I’m just chatting pure shit but that’s what I’m good at so I hope you enjoy it and find your fine line, it’s a crazy ride.